When can we shame?
I’m writing this because it needs to be said.
There is a solid distinction between who should feel shame
and those who should not, and sadly the popular notion d’jour
makes no distinction between them and simply decrees “shame is bad.”
Under certain circumstances, shame is OK (and deserved)
and we need to stop telling everyone not to feel it.
Some people need to feel it and deserve to feel it.
If you like hurting babies, kids, animals and old people then SHAME ON YOU.
It is not OK to do those things or to be someone who enjoys doing things like that.
Your parents (hopefully),
People on social media,
Society as a whole,
the golden rule,
I don’t care what silly useless magazine, talk show host or guest, or internet site
told you that shame was bad, wrong or unnecessary. For people like you, It’s not,
and You should be ashamed of yourself.
So go right ahead. FEEL the shame. Wallow in the shame. Own the shame
Then STOP THE HELL DOING shameful things.
Now, when and if you stop doing those things, make restitution to those you hurt-
sometimes you can’t-but you can at least acknowledge what you did and that it was wrong and then ask forgiveness from them (with little expectation of receiving it
-since you don’t deserve it)
you can let go of the shame and move forward with the changes you MUST DO so as NOT to do those shameful things ever again
If you can not do this on your own, then seek professional help, as it MUST BE DONE. (not so much the ridding of your shame but more the stopping of the shameful things you like to do)
When is shame wrong, silly and just downright dumb?
The wheels in our head goes, Shame, Shame, Shame.
Feeling shame for something you have/had no control over is dumb
and moreover a major waste of time and energy. You need to reject it,
eradicate it, refuse to feel it, and dump it.
You do not get to take ownership or responsibility for something you did not
do or make happen, so unless YOU were the bad guy DOING THE BAD STUFF TO OTHER PEOPLE, let it go. The shame is NOT yours.
When someone does something bad, hurtful or damaging to you,
THEY ARE THE ONES WHO SHOULD BE ASHAMED, not you. Never you.
Especially if you were younger, weaker or unable to stop them.
I am as serious as a heart attack in a closet without a doctor or a phone.
There are some really bad people in this world, who do really bad things
to other people and animals, and when that happens they sometimes
not only leave behind the obvious damage they did, but sometimes a
sense of shame can develop in the victim.
That is wrong and if the victim does nothing to get rid of the shame, then
basically the victim is inadvertently continuing a form of the abuse.
It is NEVER OK to feel shame when you are the victim. Never.
Notice that the word EVER is included in NEVER.
If thinking it through logically and pragmatically does not eliminate any
shame you may have allowed to develop and stay, COMPLETELY- AND I DO MEAN COMPLETELY, then you MUST seek professional help. The shame must go and if it takes a professional to help you, then by golly, so be it.
… Go, and make it so!
Disclaimer: Please READ. Remember, I am NOT a doctor or medical professional of any kind, so if you see yourself in this post, you may need to contact a professional to deal with your behavior, the shame or lack thereof.